This just in: A disproportionate number of archivists by the name of Terry skew the results of the recent Archival Representation Survey and make archivists the laughingstock of the Archives Surveys Ironic Results Subcommittee!
A recent study of archival representation in archives has returned a surprising and ironic result: the number of archivists named or known as “Terry” is disproportionately high for the relatively diminutive size of the field, making a farce of that highly prized but elusive concept “archival representation.”
SuperArchivist Dick Cox, aka, Scourge of New England Seas
“How can archives be archivally representational when so many archivists have the same name?” inquires SuperArchivist Dick Cox. “There aren’t enough Harrys or Dicks. We need to implement a documentation strategy whereby we artificially construct an archival history replete with a greater variety of names, the better to showcase the less obvious, underrepresented minority names. You know, like Harry. Or, say, Dick.” When asked about the similar prevalence of the name “Richard,” SuperArchivist Cox declined to comment. “There’s nothing similar about Terrys and Dicks,” he declared.
Desperate Archivist Teri Hatcher Launches "Grrl Teri Power" Campaign
Little known but increasingly desperate amateur archivist Teri Hatcher added fat to the fire when she stated, “Forget the Dicks. All we ever hear about are the Dicks. Don’t think we don’t know you’re in league with Dick Pearce-Moses, Cox! What we need are more womyn archivists named Teri. The patriarchy has dominated the information profession [and, incidentally, the small screen] for centuries and a perfect example of this misogynist oppression is Dick Cox’s fixation with y-chromosome under-representation [and the occasional primetime series portraying housewives as bitchy nymphomaniacs]. Yes, you poor Dicks. What’s being a Dick ever got the two of you, huh? Oh, a Chair of Archival Studies? Well, I say, fuck ‘em! Who’s with me! Grrl Teri Power! NOW!”
Anonymous Terry "Deep Throat" Extreme Biker
Two of the perpetrators, Terrys Cook & Eastman, were at the time of this writing unavailable for comment, although it is said among those in the know that Terry Eastman broke off relations with his mother when the shocking results of last week’s survey were brought to light. “He was inconsolable and blamed his mother,” our source, who wished to remain an anonymous Terry, preferring to be called “Deep Throat,” told Archiwhat? off the record. “It’s not that I’m ashamed of having such a common name. At least I have my extreme biking to keep me unique.” When asked if he also blamed his mother, Deep Throat laughed and said, “No, no. Mom’s great. She and I both just prefer to call me Deep Throat.”
National Archivist David Ferriero Lording It over All the Other Archivists in the Nation by Fondling Founding Documents in Broad Daylight
National Archivist David Ferriero has called for intensive surveys to be conducted to determine whether these alarming results are reflected in libraries, too. “It’s not that I don’t think archives are important,” the National Archivist explained, “but everyone knows I’m the first librarian to serve as National Archivist, so it seems only fitting that I should bring everything back to the facet of the information profession that best represents my commitment to leading the National Archives in a library-focused direction. That, and I’m hoping there are other librarians named David out there. Are there? Anyone? Davids, Daves, Davys, or Daouds? Raise your hands so I can see you!”
The plight of archival representation, meanwhile, remains tenuously and ironically hanging in the balance. Will the profession recover from this blow, following so closely on the heels of being ousted from the National Archives by a librarian? Or will it continue to slip into the ether of ironic missteps like so many before it? Only time and more haphazard, irrelevant surveys will tell.
